Around this time I remember sitting on the cold cement steps of 1629 Bonfair, Bellflower, CA in my underpants and watching/helping the sun come up...maybe the beginnings of my spiritual quest.

Exact date is unknown but about this time, I had a minor breakdown and spent about a week in the mental ward at Queen of Angeles Hospital in Los Angeles, CA. I received no medications except for a sleeping pill the first night. Following that, for the remainder of my stay, I stayed up all night playing poker with the interns and several self-admitted older patients. I only saw the doctor once or twice and he told me that I could never come back there.

While there, a nurse would take me down stairs to buy milk shakes. When I was released after a few days, she suggested that I have some sessions with her husband, Dr. O 'Neal, a psychologist/metaphysician. I don't recall how many sessions I had but he loaned me Baird T. Spaulding's 4 volume "Masters of the Far East". I could not put them down. I am not sure if the metaphysician recommended/loaned it to me but I also read Paramhansa Yogananda's "Autobiography of a Yogi" at about this time. I would sit for hours on my bed in the lotus position trying to contact the masters!

Years later sometime after 1980, I purchased a copy of the 4 volumes and read them again!

Sometime during the El Patio job, I began a relationship with a woman, Rachel B. It was very serious on my part and when it ended, I felt like half of me was missing. I recalled the concept of a "soul-mate" and began investigating that concept. Much more on this as I get time.

Tassaraja Zen Center - trip to Tassajara...public talk re Western Philosophy - could not stay - ran out of gas

2011/09/15: for many years, I have suspected that I had projected my anima on her so strongly that I never really knew her and that losing this projection made me feel that half of me was missing...leading me to the feeling that I had lost my "soul-mate" and the following episodes!

Shambala Bookstore - Sam & Mike:

Obviously, during this time, I had many spiritual questions. My job at the UC Berkeley computer Center Library allowed me to do personal reading. As I read, new questions would arise. I usually wrote the questions on IBM cards. Later at lunch time, I qqould go down the street to Shambala Bookstore. I would "scan" the bookshelves with my hand and I usually found one or more books sensed by feeling warmth in the palm of my hand. Usually the books were used and fairly cheap and I bought many of them. When I got back to the libbrary, I would start reading the purchased books and, very frequently, I would find answer(s) to some of my recent questions. This happened for many many months.

After bugging Sam and Mike almost every day  by asking so many questions, they suggested that I attend the talks by Joe Miller which were given weekly in the basement of Shambala. Attending one session, I was hooked! Joe and Guin became my spiritual teachers. Joe and Guin were members of the San Francisco Theosophical Society which I joined and from which I borrowed many books. Eventually I became a part of the "inner family" of the Miller's spiritual students.

Joe & Guin Miller:

• san_francisco_theosophical_society-blog_archive-joe_miller-falling_awake-201144kb.wmv
• san_francisco_theosophical_society-blog_archive-joe_miller-on_time_and_timelessness-filmed_by_charles_ fariduddin_falk-19910101-3941kb.mp4
• san_francisco_theosophical_society-blog_archive-miller_archive-7330kb.mp4
• http://www.sftslodge.org/category/miller-archive

I prepared many dinners for Joe and Guin at my Berkeley cottage before the talks at Shambala...drove them back to S.F. after the talks...Joe especially liked my macaroni and cheese which I made from macaroni and many cheeses...these cheeses were provided to me at my music job at Arturo's Quiet Village, San Jose, CA by a supermarket manager who came to the club weekly and who gathered up all the cheese at his store which was to be thrown out because of expiration date or small amounts of mold.

Tarthang Tulku - almost adopted - Tibetan bread with Om Padme Hum on top - record player spinning prayer wheel...computer disks with same

Visiting monk - Playboy magazines

I recall being introduced to an older woman at a T.S. meeting who introduced herself as "this one is called...".

meditation and vision of eternal now with experiences depending on where attention is directed ...maybe influenced by Seth Speaks series. I had purchased "Seth Speaks" by Jane Roberts (Butts) some time ago but could not really get into it. A couple of years later, I could not put it down and ended up buying and literally devouring all of Robert's Seth books. After Robert's death, another person claimed to channel Seth and wrote several books but I could not relate to any of these books. I recall a meditation/dream where I was suspended in space surrounded by spheres with me at different ages...much like the 1983 movie Brainstorm...Natalie Wood's last movie. It seemed that every thing/time exists in the Eternal Now and it is just a matter of where/when the consciousness is directed/focused. If true, this would explain the ability to access past lives...and maybe future lives?

Read the 3 Evans-Wentz books: I recall wishing I could develop some of the siddhis (occult powers) but to no avail. But (see 1986 below) when I took a couple of psychic healing classes, I discovered that I had probably always had some of the powers!

Read many books by Wei Wu Wei and related to much of what was written.

Read a lot of books regarding magic including Aleister Crowley. Much of what I read very familiar like I had spent a lot of time/energy practicing magic at some time (previous lives?); but I did not practice any magic. Although I did make a bath tub full of Holy Water for a cleansing.

After being alone without physical companionship for a while, one day I "put out a message" to the "?" that I was alone and, later that day, I picked a young lady hitch-hiker who needed a ride to a friend's house which was near my house; I drove to my house and let her out. A couple of hours later, she knocked on my door and said her friend had moved. She stayed with me for a month or more. She moved out when I met Carlynne and she left me a very nice thank you note.

yoga teacher: Mischa Dolnikoff - great singing voice - checkers - loved my food especially the macaroni and cheese!

psychedelic experiences

Inyat Hazarat Khan - many books to which I related on a basic level.

For a while, I hung out with Eya Yellin, a spiritualist minister. I attended several meetings where spiritualist ministers did "billet" readings. One evening at Eya's home, a friend of hers arrived. After some discussions, she asked me to do a card reading for him. I said I did not know how to do readings but she said she would help. She got out a deck of cards with simple pictures of string figures. I had no idea what the figures meant. She told me to simply say the first thing that entered my mind upon flipping a card. I followed her instructions and, at the end of the reading, he daid it was the best reading he had ever had!

I preferred the "New Tarot" over more traditional Tarot decks for readings. After doing reading for several people, I gave up readings because I did not like to tell them about negative aspects of their readings.

I have always caused Ouija boards to stop functioning. Similarly for table tipping, they just don't tip!

Carlynne B., third wife - met at S.F. Theosophical Society - girl-friend of acquaintance - "gush of warmth" - marriage by Sam and Mike (Mike created an un-interpreted astrological chart as marriage certificate) with Joe and Guin Miller attending. I made a huge batch of cioppino  for the wedding dinner. Carlynne seemed to

One day, while at work, Joe called me to say that he had scheduled a meeting with a young man from San Jose but something had come up and he could not meet with him. Joe asked me if he could send the young man to meet with me instead (wow...I really thought I had "arrived"). I said, "of course". At about 8pm, the doorbell rang and I answered and introduced myself. We sat down and the next thing I knew, I was at the door saying goodbye to the young man! The next day, Joe called and asked what I had said to the young man. I answered that I had no idea! Joe laughed and said I had answered all the questions the young man had asked. To this day, 2012/03/19, I have no idea what happened nor what was said. I have considered many times being hypnotized to see if a memory of that evening could be recalled.

visit of young man from Europe, visited the SFTS, and ended up staying with me for several weeks before continuing his spiritual quest. Joe thought he was a very special/spiritual individual.

Joe often told me that I was not really of this evolutionary cycle but that I was basically on a visit from the Devachan evolutionary cycle, additionally, he indicated that those in the Devachan cycle are reptilian. I do not think he was referring to the Theosophical Society's concept of Devachan:

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devachan
• http://users.ez2.net/nick29/theosophy/lessons06.htm

Joe managed to get me an appointment with a local Zen teacher who was always very busy. It was a very rainy night in S.F. and apparently all his students were sick and none of them showed up. So I had the teacher all to myself. He confided in me that he had a hang-up with levitation...he had not told any of his students about this! He provided me with a particular breathing exercise. Later, while practicing this breathing exercise, and "circulating" energy internally all around my body, for some reason, I decided to project the energy outside my body. I moved the energy up to and out of my head. At that exact instant, the S.F. Bay Area experienced a rather large earthquake, knocking down garbage cans outside my cottage. I immediately sucked the energy back into my body and the earthquake stopped. The next morning, I asked Joe if I had caused the earthquake and he said he did not think so but, if it happened again, "COOL IT"!

I recall driving back and forth across the Oakland-S.F. bridge on my way to music jobs and various meetings and seeing the street lights go off as I approached them and then going back on. This happened many times! It also happened on regular streets. I was reminded of this on 2011/10/19 by the movie "White Noise 2: The Light" which described the Near Death Experience and to hear Electronic Voice Phenomena. Also see 195? above.

• Annie F., a co-worker at UCSD, was taking classes at the Berkeley Psychic Institute (BPI), San Diego. She did multiple "psychic readings and healings" for me. One time, when she was "accessing the Akashic records" and trying to determine my "real self", she said that I was not in the usual records but rather in the most ancient scrolls and that there were only 7 such scrolls. She also said my "real" name was unpronounceable.
• I recall a dream(?) in which the earth exploded and I, along with several others, put it back together.
• Based upon what Annie seemed to be able to do, around this time I also took a class or two on psychic healing at the BPI. Details to follow.
• psychic healing episodes/experiences:
  • Class healing master - during one of the classes, each student was assigned a "healing master" to assist them...some got Indian masters, some got American masters, etc., but when it came to my turn, the teacher just looked at me and went to the next student. I was puzzled and, at the end of the class, I asked the teacher why I did not get a healing master. I was sent to the local head of the BPI and was told after a while that my healing master had no pronouncable name and seemed to be a bundle of energy! I worked with this master for several years.
  • In one class, the students were learning to "clean auras", while I was looking for "hot spots", I found such a hot spot and I visualized holding it in my hands and drop-kicking it away...it seemed to disappear. When I looked around, I saw the teacher looking at me with an astounded expression on her face! Later when other students were simply cleaning auras, I was visualizing reaching inside the person to be cleaned...when the teacher saw what I was doing she said that that technique was taught only in the advanced classes.
  • Another time when, another student was trying to clean my aura, he/she was having a problem and when the teacher saw what was happening, she stopped the student and sent me to a special group of advanced students in another room for a cleaning. During the cleaning, the advanced students freaked out and the head of the BPI was summoned to alleviate the problem...apparently a powerful and apparently scary energy/being was associated with me...the BPI head was able to clear the room of the powerful influence. It seems that I was always doing or having things happen which were out of the ordinary!
  • At a music rehearsal at Wayne Walker's house, I noticed that Wayne's dog had some problem. I said I would try to locate the problem. "Doc", the bass player and a chiropractor, said OK. I left the room while Doc tried to locate the problem by chiropractic means. Doc and Wayne then called me into the room. I "scanned" the back of the dog with my hand about 8" above the dog. I located a "hot spot" above the hisp of the dog. Doc was surprised and amazed.
  • While at work, a co-worker,Barbara H., discussed a breathing problem she had. She could not even blow out a match. She said therapists had said she had a "stuck diaphram" and had tried multiple therapies including bending backwards over a barrel to no avail.  I had a private office so we decided to do a "healing". Barbara sat across from me and I "scanned" her body remotely with my hands. I found a "hot spot" in her left calf. I "pushed" the hot spot down her calf and out through her foot. As I completed the "push", she let out a gasp. I asked her what happened, she said it hurt. I said no, what did you just do? She realized that she had expelled a lot of air our of her mouth. From that time on, she never had a breathing problem.
  • Discovered 2 ways to fend off "bad vibes/intentions" projected towards me: "mirror-body" which simply bounces the vibes back towards the projector and "transparent-body" which simply allows the vibes to pass through me with no effect (this is the method I prefer...less karma???).

events at Sam's classes

• Huna magic
• healings: young man with back problem & young woman with hearing problem

Past Live Experiences ?:

• inside some sort of gold/goldish pyramid, covered with blood, but it was OK because it was some kind of religious ritual
• looking down, I saw what I thought might be Viking type boots
• I think someone told me I was a recent rebirth because I had accidentally died in the war (WW II?) and I was not a combatant but rather some kind of medical person.

During a visit to Joe and Guin, when I told them about the healing classes, they both asked me to do a healing on them. When I tried to check out Joe, it seemed that he was able to block my investigation into why he was having leg/foot problems but I told him he was lacing his shoes to tightly. When trying to check out Guin's onset of blindness, I "reached" into her head and located which eye was having the problem....Guin also said that she sensed a vibration in her head while I was searching.

Because I have always been a sceptic, during all my healing attempts, I never said what I was doing and asked that the person let me know if they sensed anything. I was almost always told they experienced some kind of sensation and it was virtually always at the location I was "working".

experience with succubus? but not demonic more like a female spirit hovering over me!

experience with Percodan: after some dental surgery, while under the influence of Percodan, I was laying down in bed probably asleep, I became aware and, opening my eyes, I saw my bedroom but when I closed them, I was in a room with several women in what I would describe as Quaker dress (black dresses with white lined hoods...apparently they were in meditation. This continued to occur for some time.

experiences with "lucid dreaming" - awoke to find body still asleep - out-of-the-body experiences?

Read a lot about Masonry including anti-masonry materials and decided to join a lodge. My mentor was Al Sawyer.

I was raised to the degree of Master Mason at Lakeside Lodge 760.

Shortly thereafter, I passed through the degrees of the York Rite

and

the Scottish Rite.

I also joined the Southern California Research Lodge F&AM.

2009/10/22 After several years of being inactive due to work and ill health, I allowed my memberships to lapse.

I just found these printouts in a stack of old stuff! So here for your enjoyment:

If you know where these originated, I will be happy to provide the correct attribution(s)!

From Beliefnet Buddhist Wisdom:

"In meditation, don't expect anything. Just sit back and see what happens. Treat the whole thing as an experiment. Take an active interest in the test itself, but don't get distracted by your expectations about the results. For that matter, don't be anxious for any result whatsoever."

- Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English".

IMHO some of the best advice regarding meditation.